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9 Ways to Build Your Self Confidence

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9 Ways to Build Your Self Confidence

Many of us have moments of self doubt, especially if we’re facing something daunting, such as a job or college interview or a big social event. But sometimes, life experiences or just being the way we are, can make us feel unconfident in who we are, what we say and think how we interact with others and how well we perform at work.

If these crises of confidence become long term and our self esteem takes a tumble, it can impact on our day to day lives and our mental wellbeing. When we have low self confidence, we see ourselves, and the life we live, in a more negative light and we’re more critical of ourselves. This drives a vicious cycle of self doubt and a reduced ability to deal with the ups and downs of life.

Trauma, bereavement, abuse, serious illness, disability, knock backs and difficult relationships can all cause low self confidence, or we can simply be more prone to being hard on ourselves.

So how can we be kinder to ourselves, and believe that we have just as much worth and things to offer the world as everyone else that we look up to and admire? Here’s our top tips...

  1. Identify the negative beliefs you have about yourself. This might be, “I’m a useless friend” or “I’ll never get that promotion as I’m too rubbish at my job”.

  2. Then, think of some facts that prove these negative thoughts to be wrong. For example, the fact that your friends include you in social functions, or that your manager suggested you try for promotion.

  3. Write down some positive thoughts about yourself based on these facts, such as “Friends often confide in me” or “I get upset at the thought of my friends being upset” or “Colleagues ask my opinion”.

  4. Also write down some positive things about you and your character. This might be, “I can exercise for 30 minutes” or “I can cook really well” or “My house is always inviting”.

  5. Write down the nice things that other people have said about you too, no matter how far a distant memory.

  6. Build on your Positive You list and keep it where you can see it and add to it easily. Keep reading it to remind yourself what a positive role you play in your circle of friends, family, loved ones and colleagues.

  7. Aim to spend time with people that make you feel good, fill your cup and make you laugh, whilst trying to minimise time with those who fill you with negativity.

  8. Be as warm and as kind to yourself as you would with others. Self care isn’t selfish. It nourishes us and boosts positive feelings, so run that bath, read that book, eat that chocolate or wear that dress. You own your goals after all!

  9. Finally, practice saying no. Saying no to an event or gathering that you know is going to cause you stress right at the beginning will save you feeling bad about yourself for wanting to cancel.

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